Day two

Today I woke up going through the motions of caring for the boys but nervously awaiting contact from Marty. As the morning progressed and I heard nothing.... I felt my anxiety beginning to increase. My good friend Monica offered to take the boys so I dropped off my two rowdiest and brought baby Gage with me to browse Target and run some errands. Every other minute checking my phone! Finally he called! He had made it safely to the apartment in Kiev and was planning on meeting up with another adoptive Dad for dinner. Yay! Not only was he safe but he sounded happy! What a relief! Moments later I found my own anxiety had disappeared and I was looking forward to spending the rest of the day with my boys!

Daddy is always the one to sit with the boys because Mommy is simply busy running amuck! But not today, busy or not they each wanted their "sit and cuddle" time. So setting aside the dishes, sweeping, and endless tasks I sat with each of my boys quietly just like daddy. It was wonderful! The boys and I decided this is one change we are keeping! ;)  Score 1 for Mommy!

What now?

 Proud of my husband for taking this journey alone. Grateful my boys are so peacefully quiet today. Thankful for my oldest daughter that she is so committed to helping her mother and little brothers. Filled with gratitude to those that financed, prayed for and supported our adoption.
BUT.....
 This is too easy? It is so quiet. Babies sleeping, watching Mermaid.... getting along. Beautiful day, windows open. I am used to chaos and challenge... ledges and cliffs that taunt precariously from behind angry boulders. What is God teaching me through this peaceful ease? I understand the lesson to be learned from difficulty and sadness, hurt and pain. But THIS? What do I do with this? My mind races to think of some unpredicted tragedy waiting around the bend......... I am searching, seeking, what curve ball does the devil have planned? What did I forget? Who is plotting against me or seeking to destroy? What have I missed? Have I forgotten something? no. and no. ugh! Lord I don't do well in peaceful slumber! I am at my best in chaos! That is when I excel father! That is where I feel comfortable! Is he teaching me patience? How to relax?! UGH! I am a workaholic Father! Why now must I learn this lesson. Rest is for the lazy! right? am I even resting to others standards? sigh*

Ok so I know Marty is on some amazing life changing journey right now. What is it you have planned for me here Lord. Can you just give me a hint? I love your exciting lessons on saving Orphans and Changing the World but this? eh..... tad on the boring side.  Can't we tackle a different lesson right now? Not this whole humble, rest, calm, submissive thing? Why is it I feel that is the lesson here? Or do you have something else planned all together? Or nothing at all! Oh Lord! Why must I constantly "need to know"!? hey wait! is that the lesson!? that's the lesson isn't it? Not guessing or worrying about what comes tomorrow! ok got it, lets move on. ;)

LOL! Am I the only one who has THIS type of conversation with God!?

I wish I could say the list of 12 emergency contacts Marty left or the dozens prepared to pray or relieve me from my burdensome motherhood duties here while Marty is away will ever be used.... and.... I understand it has only been five hours! lol! but...... I have this strange, peaceful feeling that everything is going to be just fine. That the battle has ended.... There is a stillness, a peace in my home. The boys feel it too. Perhaps Willow and Ernie feel it also?  Maybe it is all the prayer surrounding our family? Gods spirit of protection? I don't know for sure.... but I feel it and I am going to stop worrying and enjoy it! Starting now!..... maybe. ;)

Waiting Here for You...

We are ready Willow! We are ready precious "Ernie"! WE are WAITING for YOU! We ordered special car seats so everyone can fit in the van. We have been working hard at fundraising! We are nearly finished with both of your rooms. Mommy bought you new bottles Willow, Pink ones! Daddy built special bunk beds for your room "Ernie". You get the top bunk ;) We are holding an art auction for you right now. I am watching the mail EVERY day for my approval letter even though she told me it wouldn't be until next week :(  We are tired from all of the fundraising and keeping up with your brothers but it is so very worth it! Friday we are taking a small break and going to Sea World! The Down Syndrome Association Sponsors it every year. Next year you will be able to go with us! (:

We are ready sweet loves............ready! and Waiting.........and waiting...
 
****Daddy put a tree in Willow's Room today. It is a plain tree. But for a donation of ANY amount we will write your name on a heart and put it on her tree!!! Slowly transforming it into a beautiful Willow Tree!  Donate Here  then message me your name!

Unworthy

 Today I posted a few pics of Willow's Room. I have been blessed to find and receive free clothing, furniture and other used items. I absolutely LOVE old things. Antiques but also used items placed on the side of the road because their owner decided they were not good enough or were past their prime. I am always curious as to the history of these things. The ugly brown coffee table missing its glass sitting behind the shop of a flea market..... to me its Victorian shape and soft curves were perfect! Even the owner of the used furniture shop had no use for it! I had Marty squeeze it into the van and brought it home. I took out the jig saw and cut down a piece of "bead board" painted it white and sanded it just enough to look shabby chic. Perfect!!! I love that table. It sits in my living room. A new life. Brought back from its certain trip to the dump. I sometimes think of the owner and how they "missed out on such a great piece"! All of my rooms are filled with things I've found or people have thrown out. Yard Sales, Flea Markets and Garbage Day excite me the way shoes, jewelry or purses excite other women. As I lovingly helped Marty paint and restore Willow's crib and changing table we had picked up from the side of the road, I thought...... To Christ WE are like these things. We are broken, scarred, "past our prime". Yet he see's us as beautiful! He loves us. I look at my children this way. The way Christ looks at us. I do not see their flaws and imperfections. I know that they are there, just as Christ knows ours. But I simply see with love. I know with attention and nutrition.... they can be renewed. I know through Christ they are Redeemed! I often think about their birth parents and how they are missing out on such wonderful children! They saw them as worthless. They were labeled "Unworthy". But Christ says "Lift up your head!" You have a new name, a new life, and a hope that will carry you home!

Why are they adopting......again?

"Why are they adopting..... again?"
This is one of the most exhausting questions. It is nearly impossible to explain WHY we chose to dedicate our entire lives to children/adults with special needs to those that are blinded by worldly standards. The negative messages relayed through family members and the text messages are not common but they creep into our world just the same. I understand the mentality. I even comprehend the logic. I just find responding exhausting because at the end of my "well practiced" speech I still get "the look". sigh*

Let me first start by saying Marty and I had very successful careers. We both worked extremely hard. I as a Marketing Rep in Healthcare and Marty as a General Manager of a car lot. We had a boat,  motorcycle and vacationed in the Florida Keys or took our older two to Disney on a whim. I shopped constantly for the latest styles and I had more than my share of material things. My daughters prom dress was ridiculously expensive and we bought her car cash for her 16th Birthday. Our son had a four wheeler, a small boat, and an expensive bicycle. Life was good. ..........or so we thought. Our children were getting older and Marty and I were spending more time with our friends. We were eating out, having drinks and enjoying life. .... or so we thought. As time went on. The hangovers got old. The company got stale. The Party Life we had envisioned for so long when we were young and raising babies prematurely..... suddenly seemed stupid. Just stupid. I felt like a fool running around partying at 35! I heard Christ calling me. I would begin speaking about my love for Christ at BBQ's while with our "usual group". They laughed in their drunken haze or started arguments about their own genius agnostic view of the world. It wasn't long before I couldn't stand myself! The revealing clothes. The fight to remain as thin as a twenty year old. The continuous working out. The jealousy. The back talking. The rumors. The gossip. I hated it all!!! I hated myself! I hated work. I hated "The Joneses" and I HATED the Status Quo! It was clear to us this "life" we dreamed about for so long.... new cars and parties and shopping was NOT for us. It left us empty, bored and miserable.

We were both on the same page. We "not so slowly" abandoned our old friends and began staying home. A LOT! We prayed. We watched a lot of TV. and we ate a LOT of Dairy Queen. We became even MORE bored! "I cant do this!" I told Marty. I don't want to party for the next 40 years like a washed up old woman! and I certainly do not want to sit here for 40 years eating Dairy Queen and watching American Idol!!!!!! Ugh!!! That evening I specifically prayed to God to show me my purpose. To reveal it to me. I had wasted so much time! I did NOT want to waste ANY more and I needed to know now! A half hour later I emailed a woman on Craigslist about her "Berkey Water Filter", she was selling. I was surprised to see this particular item on Craigslist because it was so specific. She emailed me back. At the bottom of her message was a link to her Facebook Page and Blog. I clicked on them. I instantly knew I was to meet this woman. The next day while picking up the water filter I met the woman that would change our lives. That woman was ..... Lindy House.

As I approached her front door, it flew open and I was greeted by Levi. He eagerly scaled my body like a monkey. Wrapping his arms and legs around me and smiling from ear to ear. Lindy was right behind him with Kole clinging to her. "I am so so sorry." she said, reaching for Levi. "Oh no!" I said. "I love him!" and I did. I fell madly in love with the House family that day. Their story, every member of their family, their love for Christ! I wanted it! ALL of it! I wanted THAT life!!! I wanted THAT story! I wanted to live without regret, without restraint, without apology!!! I wanted to LIVE!!

That evening I showed Marty Reece's Rainbow. My head was spinning! I was eager to contact Lindy again but didn't want to be stalker-ish! I thought nothing of Marty sitting in his chair with his laptop for hours. Until.... he looked at me and said "I want to do this." "Do what?" I asked. "Adopt." he replied. "Really?" I said. I didn't think in a million years he would agree to adopt!!! Is this the same man that had refused to give me a baby for ten years!?!? I couldn't believe it! He was serious. My husband is either IN or OUT. He is NEVER in-between. So I knew he was dead serious. I was excited, overjoyed, nervous and..................mad? Why am I mad!!??  I realized that his willingness to adopt was a punch in the gut to me because I so desperately wanted to BE pregnant! My daughter had been born when I was 19 and it was a tough experience. Marty had a son we had raised together. But we had no children of our own. I wanted a "good" pregnancy experience with the man I loved! I was soooo confused! Oh but friends!!! Our God gives us far more than we could ever imagine when we are obedient. He had a plan we knew nothing about! A plan to bless us with not only our own biological baby BUT two wonderful amazing adopted sons and THEN to do it again!!!??? I told my husband my desire to be pregnant.

That following summer we gave birth to our son Gage Leland Quinn. Lindy House recorded our Birth Story. Only one month later we committed to Dunham. One month after that.... Edgar. We sold the boat to buy a mini-van. We sold the motorcycle to supplement our bills while traveling and pay for the home study. After much sacrifice we brought our boys home June 7th 2014. Lindy allowed her 14 year old daughter to travel with me for the final trip to Ukraine to bring the boys home. Half a world away with a woman she met on Craigslist! lol! Friends, that is a God thing! That one prayer. The willingness to say yes. Sacrifice and commitment. We have been overwhelmed by the plan our Heavenly Father has for us! So God has once again called us to act. To move. We know it will be hard. We know it will be rough. We also know we will once again receive Gods incredible light, love and life!

So back to the question "Why are they adopting .... again?"

We have
Less money.
Less "things".
Less sleep!
Less free time.
Less energy.
Less regrets.
Less hangovers.
and Less drama.

More laughter.
More love.
More hope.
More joy.
More family.
and More Jesus

If you read this blog post and you still ask the question "Why?" I cannot ever answer enough of your questions or rebuttal enough of your objections to leave you satisfied.
 It is Christ you are seeking. Not answers.

Gift from God

Sweet sweet "Ernie". I never imagined so many people were praying for you. You have quite the fan club here in the U.S. I looked up your Ukrainian name today..... it means "Gift from God". Oh dear son you have no idea how true that is! I cant remember the first time I saw your face on Reece's Rainbow. You have always just..... been there. I am told you are a quiet boy. Maybe that is why it took so long to get your foolish mommy's attention? Once you had it...you haunted my dreams, drowned out my thoughts and burned your image deep in my soul. I could not breath until I committed to you and I cannot rest until I hold you in my arms! I know you will find joy in our home. I know you will find friends, fun, comfort and love. You will forever be a beloved member of a family. Your brothers will be your best friends and your Daddy will protect you. As your mommy I promise to teach you things, kiss your boo boos, defend you and occasionally reprimand you. I promise I will always have time for hugs and kisses and playing fort, legos, and wrestling! (your brothers really like wrestling!) We will go to Disney, go camping, go swimming and Birthday Parties! and some of those parties will be just for you! I will be dreaming of tucking you in and kissing you goodnight. Until then sweet son, I send my kisses on Angel wings.... sweet dreams!

                                                            Our Beloved Son......

Unsung Heros "Nanny Ann"

I want to take a moment to recognize someone that works beside me EVERY day, caring for the boys. She never complains and is always a great listener. Wherever the boys are she is sure to be....
   She cleans the floors after every meal and is always tidying them up, keeping their hands and faces handsome and clean. She loves playing with them and keeps them entertained while I am busy cleaning. She is quiet during their nap time and sometimes lays with them to keep them warm. She rarely asks for anything in return. She gives the best hugs and kisses and the boys all adore her. She protects them and cares for them as if they were her own. She is a wonderful friend.
             
               Meet Lilly Ann aka "Nanny Ann"! 

Trust without Borders

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
-Hillsong United

The Lord calls us to care for the less fortunate. The widows and orphans in their time of need. So what do we do when there are 153,000,000 orphans and 2.2 Billion Christians and few are adopting? Why is adopting orphans considered "radical"? Why do so many say they "cannot" adopt, when in truth they simply "will not" adopt? 

 I'll tell you what our local adoption group does. We ADOPT! Again, and again, until our arms can hold no more, our hearts are bursting and our tired bodies collapse each night in a heap of tears, love, and contentment. How many are enough? When do you stop saving the lives of dying children? You DONT! You NEVER stop caring. You sacrifice the unnecessary and you beg for others to take notice of the ONE you are trying to save TODAY! You fundraise until 2am and skip lunch so that you can blog, FB, and Twitter your child's face. You take advantage of every nap your other children take to fill out mounds of paperwork and squeeze every penny you can from the household budget. You allow your grey hair to stripe you like a skunk and you reconsider whether or not you truly need any personal luxuries at all (toilet paper). Everything is negotiable because there is a life at stake! You pray you will be approved. That your paperwork will be perfect and that you will not lose sight of your Heavenly Father. You beg him to remain close so you can feel his constant reassuring presence and you plead with him to keep your child safe. You ask him for patience, funding, and wisdom to make the right decisions.

So when do you stop adopting? When the 7% of Christians that are called to adopt, have faith. When they... "Walk upon the Waters, Wherever He should Call Them, and Trust without Borders."

This is our daughter ........Willow. Will you help us bring her home?

 Tax Deductible Donations for Willow

To the friend who had an abortion...

I still love you.

Some time ago I received a message from a long time friend. She had seen my many Pro-Life posts and wanted to "confess" to me her own abortion. She was afraid I would think differently of her.

Dear Friend,
I am so sorry that you carry this burden. You are not alone in your guilt, shame, remorse.... Thousands of other women share your pain. You see sweet friend, the world has lied to all of us. There is an enemy of this world that is very much REAL. He works diligently night and day to oppress Gods children. To convince them God does not exist. Without God we are free to do whatever we desire. Whatever is "convenient" for us. Whatever pleases us. Without shame, guilt or remorse. He is a liar. God does exist. He is a loving God. He has given us His Word, to protect us from this evil. His word is clear. It does not waiver. He loves us.

I know that you think of this child often. Would it have been your only daughter? Another delightful, funny, handsome son? Would they have looked like you? What a wonderful gift a sibling would have been for your only son. I grieve with you. With all of you. You are not alone. Know that your child is safe in the arms of Jesus. One day you will be reunited! THAT is the gift of a loving God! He takes our ugly and he makes it beautiful. Your child is not gone forever.

Now that you know the lie. The deceit. The terrible evil that is "abortion". Do not hide from me. From God. From those that might judge you. The voice of evil is loud! It is drowning out the voice of TRUTH! Our voices must be louder. You can make a difference. Save others from a life of remorse. You are worthy! You are beautiful! You are loved!

Forever,
Your Friend

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Finally coming clean. I have PAB.

I have exactly 17 blog posts that I started and never completed. Some because my boys keep me so busy. But mostly because my mind is completely GONE! I have an illness far worse than writers block or pregnancy brain.........I have full blown Post Adoption Brain. This is the worst of the worst friends. I have fallen head over heels, madly, deeply, passionately in love with my boys! I can hardly keep a straight thought typing this post. I am determined to complete this if it kills me! I cannot tell you how amazingly perfect each of my children are. This adoption experience has been the absolute journey of my life. It has changed me far more than I could have ever expected. One day I will share my life story of redemption (it is truly way to complicated for a PAB brain to type up). So lets just stick with the "After the Rainbow" story. ;)

Edgar 3 years, started school this week. His teacher clearly thinks he is the greatest. She scoops him up when I bring him in. Edgar loves school! He stands at the front door all dressed with his back pack on waving "bye bye" to us. We drive him to school and he goes to his teacher and waves bye again. He is signing without being prompted. This is fantastic! He can tell us "eat" "more" "drink" without being asked! He is becoming VERY curious about the house and his environment and his expectations and limitations. He is constantly pushing us to see just how far he can go. He loves to make people laugh! He pretends to fall over and over again just so we will all clap and say "oh no Edgar fell!" He is potty training and doing pretty darn well. He loves his little brothers and tries to take care of them, marching around handing them bottles and toys, and stroking their heads when they cry. He likes to be in charge and randomly closes cabinets and pushes in chairs, cleans and organizes. The biggest Edgar bombshell? Two weeks ago I noticed Edgars arm looked shorter than his other arm. Upon further inspection I realized his right arm was an inch shorter and the elbow did not bend completely!? How in the world had I missed this!!! I brought him in for x-rays and he is scheduled to see an Ortho on the 20th. Apparently he was born with this deformity but there appears to be an old injury involved as well. We will find out if a surgery will be necessary in the future :/ He has OT and ST at school and outside OT and ST. He is still pending strabismus surgery in January. Edgar is the smartest, sweetest three year old I know. I am so proud to be his mommy!

Dunham 2 years. This boy is an absolute Angel! He has the biggest smile I have ever seen. He is the easiest going and my least demanding child. He is so quiet and content sucking his fingers and watching the action. He is eating with his own hands. When he first came home he would not eat solids or hold his own bottle. He holds his own bottle and feeds himself. Apples, bananas, cereal, anything! Next we will work on sippy cup and spoon. He loves us. This is HUGE! He sat on his daddy's lap today playing with his little foot, eating chicken nuggets. He is a son. He is our son. He knows it. He LOVES music. He is quite the dancer. He has grown and finally hit 20lbs. He is a total stud and works the camera ;) I wish my PAB would allow me to emphasize this incredible little boys talents and good looks but it simply isn't the case. God has blessed me with this love fog. It is truly a blessing that allows me to clear my mind of things that are unimportant and focus only on healing hearts, minds and bodies of his beloved children.

Baby Gage 13 mo. My handsome gift from God. The blessing for being obedient. I longed for years for a biological child from my husband. Our older children are from previous relationships. My husband had always said "no". After he opened his heart to adoption, God blessed us with the pregnancy of Baby Gage! Gage was 1.5 months when we committed to Dunham. God has his own plan. His plan blesses abundantly! Far more than our dreams could ever conceive! Gage is a sensitive, thoughtful child. He is observant and careful. The opposite of both his brothers! He is a momma's boy and takes his time before approaching others. He does not like to rough play, wrestle or fight. He likes tickles and cuddles, quiet time and music. He loves anything with a motor (just like his big brother Austin and Daddy). He likes to use his hands and puts everything in his mouth. He will likely stick things in his ear like Bubba (Austin) and wind up dragging us to the ER a time or two. He is beautiful, mysterious, an old soul. He thinks his brothers are hysterical and is innocently oblivious to any differences in their chromosomes. I am certain he will protect them, defend them, and love them for a life time.

I cannot say that every day is perfect or that it isn't hard work. However, I cannot say that it is all that hard either. I am at a point in my life that I am not all that concerned about Starbucks or perfect Abs, driving a Lexus or working to keep up with the Joneses..... I just want to laugh, love, give, sacrifice, please God. If it were ten years ago I would likely be miserable, confused, easily stressed. Now on the worse days, I call a friend, drink a glass of wine, go shopping with my daughter Alexis or talk with my husband or pray to God. Oh who am I kidding! I do those things simply because I enjoy doing them! (:  Life is Good. God is Good. We are happy and the secret is out, I have PAB.

Home Sweet Home

Dunham and Edgar have been home for 4 whole months now! Their smiles are bigger than ever and they have already learned so much! We are so focused on them we have little time for anything else. We are together constantly! We took our first trip to visit family in Alabama this month. The boys loved it! All their aunties spoiled them and their cousins and NaNa too! Today we went to the Fall Corn Maze and had a blast. I think pictures say a million words......

                                      

Just Pics!!

Our Family

Daddy and his three boys

Still in Kiev Ukraine 

First visit third trip

Edgar loves books! 

Edgar is super flexible!

My loves!

First hug third trip, "Mama"!

Dunham going for a ride!

Dunham relaxing in the swing

Edgar being silly!

Big Sissy and Dunham 

Daddy and Edgar napping :/

Baby Gage loves food! 

Sweet Edgar getting fitted for glasses

Baby Gage cooling off and looking serious!

Talking Ukraine politics.....

Their bedroom

Mommy and Edgar!

Typical Morning

Gage hates clothes!!

Edgar and his best friend! 

Another bedroom pic....