Friday, October 10, 2014

Finally coming clean. I have PAB.

I have exactly 17 blog posts that I started and never completed. Some because my boys keep me so busy. But mostly because my mind is completely GONE! I have an illness far worse than writers block or pregnancy brain.........I have full blown Post Adoption Brain. This is the worst of the worst friends. I have fallen head over heels, madly, deeply, passionately in love with my boys! I can hardly keep a straight thought typing this post. I am determined to complete this if it kills me! I cannot tell you how amazingly perfect each of my children are. This adoption experience has been the absolute journey of my life. It has changed me far more than I could have ever expected. One day I will share my life story of redemption (it is truly way to complicated for a PAB brain to type up). So lets just stick with the "After the Rainbow" story. ;)

Edgar 3 years, started school this week. His teacher clearly thinks he is the greatest. She scoops him up when I bring him in. Edgar loves school! He stands at the front door all dressed with his back pack on waving "bye bye" to us. We drive him to school and he goes to his teacher and waves bye again. He is signing without being prompted. This is fantastic! He can tell us "eat" "more" "drink" without being asked! He is becoming VERY curious about the house and his environment and his expectations and limitations. He is constantly pushing us to see just how far he can go. He loves to make people laugh! He pretends to fall over and over again just so we will all clap and say "oh no Edgar fell!" He is potty training and doing pretty darn well. He loves his little brothers and tries to take care of them, marching around handing them bottles and toys, and stroking their heads when they cry. He likes to be in charge and randomly closes cabinets and pushes in chairs, cleans and organizes. The biggest Edgar bombshell? Two weeks ago I noticed Edgars arm looked shorter than his other arm. Upon further inspection I realized his right arm was an inch shorter and the elbow did not bend completely!? How in the world had I missed this!!! I brought him in for x-rays and he is scheduled to see an Ortho on the 20th. Apparently he was born with this deformity but there appears to be an old injury involved as well. We will find out if a surgery will be necessary in the future :/ He has OT and ST at school and outside OT and ST. He is still pending strabismus surgery in January. Edgar is the smartest, sweetest three year old I know. I am so proud to be his mommy!

Dunham 2 years. This boy is an absolute Angel! He has the biggest smile I have ever seen. He is the easiest going and my least demanding child. He is so quiet and content sucking his fingers and watching the action. He is eating with his own hands. When he first came home he would not eat solids or hold his own bottle. He holds his own bottle and feeds himself. Apples, bananas, cereal, anything! Next we will work on sippy cup and spoon. He loves us. This is HUGE! He sat on his daddy's lap today playing with his little foot, eating chicken nuggets. He is a son. He is our son. He knows it. He LOVES music. He is quite the dancer. He has grown and finally hit 20lbs. He is a total stud and works the camera ;) I wish my PAB would allow me to emphasize this incredible little boys talents and good looks but it simply isn't the case. God has blessed me with this love fog. It is truly a blessing that allows me to clear my mind of things that are unimportant and focus only on healing hearts, minds and bodies of his beloved children.

Baby Gage 13 mo. My handsome gift from God. The blessing for being obedient. I longed for years for a biological child from my husband. Our older children are from previous relationships. My husband had always said "no". After he opened his heart to adoption, God blessed us with the pregnancy of Baby Gage! Gage was 1.5 months when we committed to Dunham. God has his own plan. His plan blesses abundantly! Far more than our dreams could ever conceive! Gage is a sensitive, thoughtful child. He is observant and careful. The opposite of both his brothers! He is a momma's boy and takes his time before approaching others. He does not like to rough play, wrestle or fight. He likes tickles and cuddles, quiet time and music. He loves anything with a motor (just like his big brother Austin and Daddy). He likes to use his hands and puts everything in his mouth. He will likely stick things in his ear like Bubba (Austin) and wind up dragging us to the ER a time or two. He is beautiful, mysterious, an old soul. He thinks his brothers are hysterical and is innocently oblivious to any differences in their chromosomes. I am certain he will protect them, defend them, and love them for a life time.

I cannot say that every day is perfect or that it isn't hard work. However, I cannot say that it is all that hard either. I am at a point in my life that I am not all that concerned about Starbucks or perfect Abs, driving a Lexus or working to keep up with the Joneses..... I just want to laugh, love, give, sacrifice, please God. If it were ten years ago I would likely be miserable, confused, easily stressed. Now on the worse days, I call a friend, drink a glass of wine, go shopping with my daughter Alexis or talk with my husband or pray to God. Oh who am I kidding! I do those things simply because I enjoy doing them! (:  Life is Good. God is Good. We are happy and the secret is out, I have PAB.

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