Five days without Facebook

Five days.... that's all. Just five days to focus on my little's, my husband, my life.
and.... What a difference five days makes!! Yes, we completed our post placement report on Edgar and Dunham and registered Bo and Lettie with the Embassy, we caught up on all Dr appts. etc.

BUT the biggest accomplishment by far was the peace we found as a family.
We found peace in the new routine, the bonding, the challenges. I even found peace with my past....
These children. I cannot find the words to explain the pure love, delight, and purpose they bring to our lives.
 Bogdan has found his own peace. I hear it in his laughter. I see it in his eyes. He knows friends. At breakfast he no longer screams and demands his food... he waits, smiling. Knowing, here, in THIS "orphanage?" he is always fed well. He loves my kisses! Did anyone EVER kiss him before? I will never know that answer. But I know that he feels mine! He feels daddys! He is gaining weight. He is gaining understanding. He is hearing the TRUTH about his Heavenly Father that adores him! He has NOT been forsaken. He is dearly loved.
Edgar. This boy! He is the very best snuggler you will EVER encounter. I take ALL my naps spooning him. His gentle snore. Oh my! His HUGS! Incredible! The best! He is my helper. He is such a loving smart beautiful boy. Overlooked by many... Dismissed by his nanny's as a "retarded" child. Oh this boy!!! He is NOT to be ignored! His gentle persistence is so inspiring. ANYONE who has the opportunity to know him is SO incredibly blessed. I tell you friends HE IS incredible! He renews my faith! He delights my spirit and my chest bursts with pride at the mention of his name!
Dunham. Small but tough! This little dude is strong! He can do pull ups like a jock on steroids! He is super smart and LOVES to learn! If momma does a lesson he is the first in line and listens intently. But like most smarty's he is quick to lose interest if I don't keep his attention.
Gage! Oh boy! My little bio-baby is his daddy through and through! Stubborn as hell! :) He is demanding and is challenging Edgar as Chief of the Little's! He insists on communicating by crying as loud as possible. Then just as I have had enough of his screaming he does the sweetest things imaginable! Brushing Bogdan's hair, gently kissing Lettie's head, sharing his Goldfish with Edgar. He loves country music and takes his dancing VERY seriously! :)
Lettie. This little girl is a pure angel! She is a daddy's girl for certain. She is also a night owl and snoozes most of the day. Between 8pm-11pm she is a ball of energy! Daddy is an evening person too so the two of them are besties! She is rolling over, gaining weight and has slid into our family as if she was here all along.
Friends, our lives are good. Perfect? No. Full of stressful, hard moments? Yes. But.... How...can we possibly FEEL ANYTHING OTHER THAN BLESSED!!! Bogdan's brain was dying every day he went without surgery. Lettie is gaining weight and will receive the best cardiac services in the U.S. They are LOVED! Blossoming! THIS is what life is about friends!

No Place Like Home...

So much has happened! I traveled to Ukraine to help my husband bring home Bogdan and Lettie. Their thin unhealthy bodies shocked me the most. As soon as we arrived in the US we brought them to All Childrens Hospital. Lettie needs heart surgery but is too small. She needs to gain weight and get healthier first. Bogdan was scheduled for brain surgery immediately. He had that surgery last Wednesday. It was scary, but he is doing fantastic! All of the kids are adjusting well and we have been focused on getting their medical services, paperwork, etc in order.

We are both madly in love with our family! Our five little's are our life. I am grateful God chose us to care for these incredible children. I remind myself when I am tired, sick, in pain.... just how blessed I am! Lettie is an absolute doll! She is so quiet and gentle. She is not a demanding child which is fortunate since we have so many young ones. She is content watching her brothers and notifies us she is hungry by sucking on her lip. She rarely cries and her cry is a gentle low cry. Refreshing from Gage and Dunham's demanding cries! ;) Although she is not demanding she has plenty of character! She makes the funniest faces and plays contentedly by herself. God chose the perfect princess for us!
Bogdan.... oh this child! He has captured my heart so quickly. His eyes say so much! His strength and resilience despite all his challenges is astounding! His hydrocephalus caused CP. It affects his entire body, although his right side is worse. He moves at a snails pace and he has no strength. He is so weak he has to rest his head often. But his smile and laugh are powerful! His eyes are a gorgeous green color and his brown hair and small features make him look most like me! He looks much like the "Reedy" side of my family. He wants to do everything his brothers do and it pushes him to try harder. The peer pressure is positive and he slowly joins in everything they are doing. He cries to me "Na" to join them. He has picked up on several English words, my favorite...."Mommy"! I include him in everything the boys do. It requires some ingenuity to accommodate him safely but I know the extra effort on my part will change his life! He is an incredible little boy and I cannot wait to see what God has planned!

Lettie Bug

Today Lettie officially became our daughter! Losing Willow was heartbreaking but God knew her destiny long before us. It is because of Willow that we have Bogdan and Lettie. God does not make mistakes! We long for a day Willow is available for adoption. Today however is a day of hope and joy for our wonderful perfect daughter Lettie!

Day 31 Our beloved son...

Today "Bogdan Martin Quinn" became our son! Born in Luhansk to a single mother, Bogdan was abandoned shortly after birth. His mother had another child, an older brother he never got to know. We are so honored God chose us to raise Bogdan and he will have plenty of brothers! We are excited and blessed to introduce our son........

Cosmo vs Walking Dead (day 25)

Remember that day I went to the Dr for my eczema? The same day I found out about Willow? Well something else happened that day. My physician. A woman. Whom I have known for 10+ years, said something to me that day....
In a past life. Before Adoption. I was a Marketing Rep. Most of my day was filled with socializing with physicians, nurses, and office staff, and trips to Starbucks. I wore dresses and suits and was  thin, tan, always dolled up with nails, hair, make up. From the outside I am sure I looked like the happiest woman in the world. I was always joking and laughing. I was good at my job and enjoyed the people I marketed to. But I wasn't happy. I felt like I was wasting every day. It was empty work. Meant only to bring home money. This is what the world told me would make me happy. So why wasn't I happy!? My husband would say to me on occasion "You are never going to be happy." I started to think he was right. Until...
We gave our lives over to God. We committed to seek His plan for our lives. Eighteen months ago we had Baby Gage. Ten months ago we adopted Edgar and Dunham. Right this moment we are adopting Lettie and Ernie. Five children in 18 mo. Two exhausting adoption processes. So there I sat, with swollen eyes, wearing my husbands T-Shirt, no make up, still carrying baby weight from Gage. The Dr walked in. She sat down and said "Jennifer, why are you doing this to yourself?" I knew the mess she was seeing. The once successful, beautiful woman now looked more like a meth head! I smiled. I couldn't help but feel proud of the mess I was. It was like a badge of honor. There was a time I would fret over a bad hair day or a pimple on my chin. I was in the trenches! I was doing Gods work! I was HAPPY! Truly happy. I knew there was no way I would convince her I was. So instead I said "I realize I look a mess. I am doing hard work for the Lord right now. I will pull myself together, don't worry. But for now just know that I am happy." Sympathetically she smiled back.
Some of you know that look. As you tote your herd of children through the Walmart. I know we look disheveled. I know that according to the world we should be miserable, on diet pills, and reading Fifty Shades of Grey. But we are not. We are happy! We wouldn't have it any other way.  So instead of commenting "You have your hands full!" or "Better you then me" or a sympathetic smile. Know that we are happy! Our hearts are full! We know there is another life. One without children screaming. We chose this life. Not because we are punishing ourselves or have some misguided delusion. Because, it is God's work. It is the best kind of work. Because it makes us happy, when shoes, purses, and other possessions did not. Sure there are days we wish we could look beautiful again. But that "beautiful" just has a new definition. A shower and shaved legs is good enough for this mama! So old friend don't be confused when we run into each other at the Target and you look like a page off of Cosmo and I look like the Walking Dead...... and I give YOU a sympathetic smile. ;)

Day 12 Rest

A huge weight was lifted yesterday. We are fully funded! AND saw pics of Lettie! I cannot begin to tell you how beautiful she is! She is just perfect! Daddy is smitten. ;) We are getting closer and closer to gotcha day!

Day 11?

Where did the past four days go? lol! Did I fall asleep and not wake up?
Today Marty meets our sweet Little Lettie! She has Down Syndrome and a Heart Condition. Her one little picture has captured my heart! I cannot wait to hear ALL about her! Gage decided to wake me up at 4am for a party he was having with Lilly (the dog). So it will be a lonnnng day! But I will choose to be happy and grateful and celebrate every poopy diaper! ;)

Day 7 - Falling in LOVE!

The pictures the videos! Be still my heart! My son is amazing! He is joyful and sweet! He gives Daddy kisses and tickles his beard. I never could have imagined he would be so wonderful! He is the best Valentine's Gift EVER! After ALL that he has been through? I grumble when my coffee is cold and this tiny orphan that has suffered all of his four short years laughs with more joy than I could ever imagine?? It is ONLY by the grace of GOD! Today was a good day! and I cannot imagine ever having a bad day with his laughter in my home. Thank you Jesus for the blessing of our wonderful son <3

Day 6 - Saying Goobye and Hello

I was sitting in the Dr's office waiting for the physician to prescribe cream for the eczema on my hands. I had been up much of the night itching my poor fingers. The boys were with Big Sissy at Home. Anxiously checking my phone every 5 seconds waiting for info on Ernie. Praying I had the emotional fortitude to receive the gift of him while awaiting Saturdays decision. Marty messaged me. "I will call you." He started the conversation telling me there would be no committee, no decision, it was finished. Willow was gone. The officials had signed off on the Ukrainian Foster Family. My throat closed. I tried to fight back the tears fearful the Dr. would walk in and I would be making a scene. He paused to hear my reaction but I couldn't speak. He continued to tell me how the team had done everything they could...... I couldn't take anymore. "Tell me about Ernie! Tell me something good!" and he did. He told me wonderful things about my son. How he talked and was funny. How he asked Daddy to help him walk and the nanny translated. How he talks like Dunham, smiles like Gage and is a show-off like Edgar. He told me how wonderful and gorgeous he was. He filled that gaping hole with all of Ernie's goodness. When he finished my tears had turned to tears of joy. He told our son he was "Papa". and Ernie understood. God stalled that Dr until I had collected myself. So here I sit. Several hours later, asking myself how I feel? I feel ok. God has laid a peace on my heart that he carries Willow. That he wants more for her then I ever could. He holds her in the palm of his hand....He loves her. I pray she will be loved, happy, cared for. I am grateful God gave me closure today, so I could embrace the news of my son without reserve.

Marty and I have decided we WILL rescue another child. We very much would like a little girl. We don't have a clue who the Lord has planned but he led us to this place, this region. He knew our hearts and through Willow he brought us to Ernie. He has a plan better than ours. A plan for good. A plan for His Glory! So we will be willing. We will say Yes! So come along friends, it isn't over yet! (:

Day 4 - "Eve of Losing..."

The celebration of a successful DAP Appointment was short lived when we found out the local region was still giving priority to a Ukrainian Family willing to foster Willow. Tomorrow, we find out for certain whether the family is willing to release their commitment. It does not look good. I spoke to two key members of the adoption team and neither sound optimistic. This isn't simply a set-back or delay....THIS is catastrophic. This is the "Eve of Losing Willow". It may seem premature to call it that but regardless of tomorrows outcome, good or bad.....that is for tomorrow. Today will always feel like the day before we lost Willow. Adoption in Ukraine is not for the weak. It is a fast process with a dysfunctional system. But when children are at stake and your family is split up and every day costs emotionally and financially there is no time to pause. So you must make difficult decisions in your hour of grieving. You have back up plans and discussions to be sure you and your spouse are on the "same page". All while trying to grasp the terrifying realization that in 24 hours you will have no choice but to accept the horrible reality that you have lost a child you spent months fighting for and falling in love with. You look at all of the possibilities. You discuss your options and come up with a plan. Then you say goodnight, and pray that tomorrow this nightmare will go away and your sweet baby will be there in your arms.

Day 3.....

It is 10:30 in Kiev. Marty is already asleep. DAP is 9am tomorrow morning. I made him promise to contact me asap, although it will only be 3am here. Today I needed to come up with a way to pad the wall around Dunham's bed since he likes to tap his head on it as he goes to sleep at night. I decided on using a navy blue patio chair pad.... worked great! Like a bigger thicker crib bumper. I'm buying  a single pad to fill the head of the bed and it will be finished! Every day is a nesting day...... waiting on Willow and Ernie.

Day two

Today I woke up going through the motions of caring for the boys but nervously awaiting contact from Marty. As the morning progressed and I heard nothing.... I felt my anxiety beginning to increase. My good friend Monica offered to take the boys so I dropped off my two rowdiest and brought baby Gage with me to browse Target and run some errands. Every other minute checking my phone! Finally he called! He had made it safely to the apartment in Kiev and was planning on meeting up with another adoptive Dad for dinner. Yay! Not only was he safe but he sounded happy! What a relief! Moments later I found my own anxiety had disappeared and I was looking forward to spending the rest of the day with my boys!

Daddy is always the one to sit with the boys because Mommy is simply busy running amuck! But not today, busy or not they each wanted their "sit and cuddle" time. So setting aside the dishes, sweeping, and endless tasks I sat with each of my boys quietly just like daddy. It was wonderful! The boys and I decided this is one change we are keeping! ;)  Score 1 for Mommy!

What now?

 Proud of my husband for taking this journey alone. Grateful my boys are so peacefully quiet today. Thankful for my oldest daughter that she is so committed to helping her mother and little brothers. Filled with gratitude to those that financed, prayed for and supported our adoption.
BUT.....
 This is too easy? It is so quiet. Babies sleeping, watching Mermaid.... getting along. Beautiful day, windows open. I am used to chaos and challenge... ledges and cliffs that taunt precariously from behind angry boulders. What is God teaching me through this peaceful ease? I understand the lesson to be learned from difficulty and sadness, hurt and pain. But THIS? What do I do with this? My mind races to think of some unpredicted tragedy waiting around the bend......... I am searching, seeking, what curve ball does the devil have planned? What did I forget? Who is plotting against me or seeking to destroy? What have I missed? Have I forgotten something? no. and no. ugh! Lord I don't do well in peaceful slumber! I am at my best in chaos! That is when I excel father! That is where I feel comfortable! Is he teaching me patience? How to relax?! UGH! I am a workaholic Father! Why now must I learn this lesson. Rest is for the lazy! right? am I even resting to others standards? sigh*

Ok so I know Marty is on some amazing life changing journey right now. What is it you have planned for me here Lord. Can you just give me a hint? I love your exciting lessons on saving Orphans and Changing the World but this? eh..... tad on the boring side.  Can't we tackle a different lesson right now? Not this whole humble, rest, calm, submissive thing? Why is it I feel that is the lesson here? Or do you have something else planned all together? Or nothing at all! Oh Lord! Why must I constantly "need to know"!? hey wait! is that the lesson!? that's the lesson isn't it? Not guessing or worrying about what comes tomorrow! ok got it, lets move on. ;)

LOL! Am I the only one who has THIS type of conversation with God!?

I wish I could say the list of 12 emergency contacts Marty left or the dozens prepared to pray or relieve me from my burdensome motherhood duties here while Marty is away will ever be used.... and.... I understand it has only been five hours! lol! but...... I have this strange, peaceful feeling that everything is going to be just fine. That the battle has ended.... There is a stillness, a peace in my home. The boys feel it too. Perhaps Willow and Ernie feel it also?  Maybe it is all the prayer surrounding our family? Gods spirit of protection? I don't know for sure.... but I feel it and I am going to stop worrying and enjoy it! Starting now!..... maybe. ;)

Waiting Here for You...

We are ready Willow! We are ready precious "Ernie"! WE are WAITING for YOU! We ordered special car seats so everyone can fit in the van. We have been working hard at fundraising! We are nearly finished with both of your rooms. Mommy bought you new bottles Willow, Pink ones! Daddy built special bunk beds for your room "Ernie". You get the top bunk ;) We are holding an art auction for you right now. I am watching the mail EVERY day for my approval letter even though she told me it wouldn't be until next week :(  We are tired from all of the fundraising and keeping up with your brothers but it is so very worth it! Friday we are taking a small break and going to Sea World! The Down Syndrome Association Sponsors it every year. Next year you will be able to go with us! (:

We are ready sweet loves............ready! and Waiting.........and waiting...
 
****Daddy put a tree in Willow's Room today. It is a plain tree. But for a donation of ANY amount we will write your name on a heart and put it on her tree!!! Slowly transforming it into a beautiful Willow Tree!  Donate Here  then message me your name!