Proud of my husband for taking this journey alone. Grateful my boys are so peacefully quiet today. Thankful for my oldest daughter that she is so committed to helping her mother and little brothers. Filled with gratitude to those that financed, prayed for and supported our adoption.
BUT.....
This is too easy? It is so quiet. Babies sleeping, watching Mermaid.... getting along. Beautiful day, windows open. I am used to chaos and challenge... ledges and cliffs that taunt precariously from behind angry boulders. What is God teaching me through this peaceful ease? I understand the lesson to be learned from difficulty and sadness, hurt and pain. But THIS? What do I do with this? My mind races to think of some unpredicted tragedy waiting around the bend......... I am searching, seeking, what curve ball does the devil have planned? What did I forget? Who is plotting against me or seeking to destroy? What have I missed? Have I forgotten something? no. and no. ugh! Lord I don't do well in peaceful slumber! I am at my best in chaos! That is when I excel father! That is where I feel comfortable! Is he teaching me patience? How to relax?! UGH! I am a workaholic Father! Why now must I learn this lesson. Rest is for the lazy! right? am I even resting to others standards? sigh*
Ok so I know Marty is on some amazing life changing journey right now. What is it you have planned for me here Lord. Can you just give me a hint? I love your exciting lessons on saving Orphans and Changing the World but this? eh..... tad on the boring side. Can't we tackle a different lesson right now? Not this whole humble, rest, calm, submissive thing? Why is it I feel that is the lesson here? Or do you have something else planned all together? Or nothing at all! Oh Lord! Why must I constantly "need to know"!? hey wait! is that the lesson!? that's the lesson isn't it? Not guessing or worrying about what comes tomorrow! ok got it, lets move on. ;)
LOL! Am I the only one who has THIS type of conversation with God!?
I wish I could say the list of 12 emergency contacts Marty left or the dozens prepared to pray or relieve me from my burdensome motherhood duties here while Marty is away will ever be used.... and.... I understand it has only been five hours! lol! but...... I have this strange, peaceful feeling that everything is going to be just fine. That the battle has ended.... There is a stillness, a peace in my home. The boys feel it too. Perhaps Willow and Ernie feel it also? Maybe it is all the prayer surrounding our family? Gods spirit of protection? I don't know for sure.... but I feel it and I am going to stop worrying and enjoy it! Starting now!..... maybe. ;)
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