Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Cosmo vs Walking Dead (day 25)

Remember that day I went to the Dr for my eczema? The same day I found out about Willow? Well something else happened that day. My physician. A woman. Whom I have known for 10+ years, said something to me that day....
In a past life. Before Adoption. I was a Marketing Rep. Most of my day was filled with socializing with physicians, nurses, and office staff, and trips to Starbucks. I wore dresses and suits and was  thin, tan, always dolled up with nails, hair, make up. From the outside I am sure I looked like the happiest woman in the world. I was always joking and laughing. I was good at my job and enjoyed the people I marketed to. But I wasn't happy. I felt like I was wasting every day. It was empty work. Meant only to bring home money. This is what the world told me would make me happy. So why wasn't I happy!? My husband would say to me on occasion "You are never going to be happy." I started to think he was right. Until...
We gave our lives over to God. We committed to seek His plan for our lives. Eighteen months ago we had Baby Gage. Ten months ago we adopted Edgar and Dunham. Right this moment we are adopting Lettie and Ernie. Five children in 18 mo. Two exhausting adoption processes. So there I sat, with swollen eyes, wearing my husbands T-Shirt, no make up, still carrying baby weight from Gage. The Dr walked in. She sat down and said "Jennifer, why are you doing this to yourself?" I knew the mess she was seeing. The once successful, beautiful woman now looked more like a meth head! I smiled. I couldn't help but feel proud of the mess I was. It was like a badge of honor. There was a time I would fret over a bad hair day or a pimple on my chin. I was in the trenches! I was doing Gods work! I was HAPPY! Truly happy. I knew there was no way I would convince her I was. So instead I said "I realize I look a mess. I am doing hard work for the Lord right now. I will pull myself together, don't worry. But for now just know that I am happy." Sympathetically she smiled back.
Some of you know that look. As you tote your herd of children through the Walmart. I know we look disheveled. I know that according to the world we should be miserable, on diet pills, and reading Fifty Shades of Grey. But we are not. We are happy! We wouldn't have it any other way.  So instead of commenting "You have your hands full!" or "Better you then me" or a sympathetic smile. Know that we are happy! Our hearts are full! We know there is another life. One without children screaming. We chose this life. Not because we are punishing ourselves or have some misguided delusion. Because, it is God's work. It is the best kind of work. Because it makes us happy, when shoes, purses, and other possessions did not. Sure there are days we wish we could look beautiful again. But that "beautiful" just has a new definition. A shower and shaved legs is good enough for this mama! So old friend don't be confused when we run into each other at the Target and you look like a page off of Cosmo and I look like the Walking Dead...... and I give YOU a sympathetic smile. ;)






1 comment:

  1. I loved this post! I can so so relate. I found myself nodding, and smiling throughout. I too have often been the recipient of "the look", and yet I too have such happiness and peace. . .I would never change my life for a minute!

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