Not often but there have been times over the past few weeks I have found myself annoyed, irritated, ok even angry at the lack of support by some family and friends. I've also been frustrated by some of the senseless, thoughtless comments that strangers have made on other blogs, pages, or news reports towards international adoption. I was frustrated that people didn't "GET" it! How can anyone not understand that ALL children deserve a loving home? I was irritated to see Millions raised for "Save the Whales" or "Breast Cancer Awareness". Why? why did this bother me? I LOVE Whales! and I have friends that have survived breast cancer!!! How could I feel this way!? I have supported many charities over the years! Alzheimer's Awareness, The Homeless, Toys for Tots and many many other GREAT causes. Just because I have now decided to adopt Orphans with Down Syndrome doesn't mean others should "care" or "support" me financially or otherwise? I found myself having a fleeting initial response of jealousy when I saw other families fully funded, or receiving huge grants. I immediately corrected myself. How dare I feel that way!!! After all there are so many that have supported me and given so much. Each time I experienced these negative feelings, I would remind myself it is not about me! I would make a small donation to another family, or try and assist in some other way... sharing their blog or offering support/advice. I prayed for forgiveness knowing that it was my own lack of faith that brought on these feelings. Fear. Fear that I would not get to my boys. That I would fail them. Who would I blame?
I realize that this to shall pass. It is part of the journey God is taking me on. He is cleansing me. I am struggling with God, the enemy, my human nature. I am impatient, flawed. I could run away from all of this. I could return to my selfish way of life. Living only for myself. But that is not an option. I simply cannot. So I will grow instead. I will grow in my relationship with God, in faith, in hope and forgiveness. I will continue to correct myself when doubt, jealousy, resentment creep in. I will fast, and pray and continue to have faith. I want to emerge on the other side cleansed, reborn. I have decided to support the whales! and breast cancer awareness! and Recycle! and any other cause my Savior deems worthy! I realized that these causes are important to others and they are important to HIM. Then they are important to ME! Because if I frown upon their choice of passion and God's calling in their life, then I am not living the gospel. I am to love without expecting. God has a plan. We are ALL a part of that plan. and as we all know in order for any plan to work everyone must do their part. Alone we are helpless. Together we are strong. Christ wants us to work together. There is plenty to be done in this world .... pollution, unemployment, animal abuse, orphans, abortion...... the list goes on! But, we cannot criticize one another for the "good" we decide to do. So I have learned my lesson. I will pray for those that sit idle to hear their calling, follow their heart and make a difference. I pray they will be a light for someone or for something, in this dark world!
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