Because I want to be angry.
I see what I have sacrificed to raise my children. Life is not easy because I am American or because I "chose" to adopt children with special needs. Dealing with the medical and therapy and behavior issues is not a "piece of cake" because I am a "special person" or a "saint". Im not and I don't want to be. I wish I did not have to care for other peoples children. I wish they had the strength, the tools, the whatever! to accept the gift and challenges of raising their own children. Because they are who their children needed, wanted! but, they didn't. Yes, my children are amazing! They are joyful and funny and loving and sweet. They are also loud, demanding, exhausting, and messy! They are difficult and stubborn and damaged. and I am their only hope. Their only shot at normal. They need me. They need a mom and a dad fighting for them. They need us to do what everyone else does not want to do or is afraid to do. And a million more orphans sit and wait.
Every day more parents walking away. Every day society turning a blind eye. Each giving their own "valid" excuse why they shouldn't, couldn't, won't. Criticizing the parents that abandon their child and then flipping the script to gossip about the adoptive family of 12 adopting again! Hating the parents, unwilling to parent the abandoned children, and critical of those that do. ..... so hell yes I want to be angry! I just don't know who to be angry at!?
Some direct it at the orphanages that care for the children in less than exceptional ways. "They drug the children!" they shout. but how would they care for so many!? How should they numb the pain of losing ones parents? How would one nanny manage 25 children without drugging the ones that stem all night or scream or cry. They cant possibly console them all. They cannot give them a safe home a mom and dad. Is it the nannys fault these parents are not parenting?
"Why would those parents abandon their children! How horrible!" we shout. But I have seen Ukraine. I have seen the horrible housing and poverty. The lack of resources and medical services. I have seen the glares and the bias. They do not have the luxury of living in the U.S.A with its abundant services and resources. and who are we to judge Ukrainians? We kill these special children in the womb! because WE have the latest technology.
So where? who? who do i hate? who do I be angry at? Certainly not the child!! Then God? Who then is responsible? .......... me. Me. ME! I am! I am responsible! You. YOU are responsible. If we have a home, an income, an extra bed and an extra plate. If we call Jesus our savior and carry his cross. Then WE are responsible. You and I. Yet, the silence is deafening. The indifference is suffocating. The excuses are endless.
Please don't separate yourself from me by saying "I could never do it, but I admire YOU!" or "It takes a special person". Please don't. It is these comments these innocently vomited objections that I cannot stand to hear. I AM you. Even if you don't want to admit it.I simply, ran out of excuses. I decided to stop being angry at everyone else and be angry at me for not doing something. I decided to be honest with myself.
I want to be angry....... but I choose grace. I refuse to be bitter or resentful. I have but one choice.... Grace. For the parents that abandon their child. For the orphanage nanny. For the children. For me. and even.......for you.
The reward, is when we clear our minds and hearts of the clutter of anger, hate, bitterness... we are left with the peace to enjoy life. To enjoy the "Gift" these children truly are. To appreciate them and celebrate them and bask in the glory of God and we are forever changed. We are strengthened and able to fight the battle another day. We become an example of Christ whether we realize it or not. Because by saving others, we truly save ourselves.
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