"The Winner"

Over the past several days, Edgar's (Volodymyr's) father and I have had many conversations over Facebook. I write to him in Russian using an online app to translate. He does understand some English and can speak some English but not well. So we have managed. He wanted very much to share the story of Edgar's birth but did not want any confusion so I asked a friend to translate his story for us. She was the same individual that had facilitated Edgar's adoption. She joined us on messenger and piece by piece he shared his heartbreaking story. Two young lovers, the world against them, poverty and prejudice, in a corrupt country that values appearances over all else. 

This is his story....

Let us start with far past. I and my mom had an apartment we gave a room for rent to one man. Soon their relations became romantic and they got married. He became my step father. Later he invited his daughter to rest for two weeks (we live in a resort city you know). She is from Luhansk region. But at that moment she lives in Moscow. She came with her friend. I took them everywhere, beaches, disco dances... When they left I understood that I couldn’t live without her. So we started dating. Soon she left Moscow and moved to live with us. Parents didn’t know that. When they found out that she was coming to Odesa again they quarreled... Step father / father in law left my mom and he and his daughter rented a room at a different place. (She was already my girlfriend). I came to visit them every day. We spent good time together.

Soon she got pregnant. It was a very hard time in my life... I wanted that child. But when my mom found out about it she said - what do you need it for? Abort the baby. When my father in law found out about it he seemed to be happy at first... but when we had an eye to eye conversation he said - are you crazy? Abort the baby.

I sent them far away and told them I didn’t want to see them ever. In a while my wife (girlfriend at that time) said - we are very young, not financially stable... let’s abort the baby... My reaction was cruel... It was offensive that all my relatives turned their back to me... I told her - you’ll have that baby... after you give him birth you can go back and I will take care of the baby.

Time passed. I worked hard... 60% of income went on treatment... tests... medicines...for my pregnant girlfriend (now wife). She said to me once - I haven’t seen you for two weeks already. You leave at 7 am when I am still sleeping and return home at 1-4 at night

Approximately at 6 months pregnant she fell in love with the baby... she started looking for a crib... was making plans for him... how she would take care of him... started buying clothes for the baby... all her conversations were only  about him. Once I told her she was going crazy

So the waters broke and we went to the maternity hospital... I was sent home... I couldn’t sleep that night. Was very nervous... then a wardrobe fell behind my back... no reason... I got scared because it was a bad sign

They called and said - baby is born!!! We went to the hospital with parents... I was sent home for some reason (to bring something to eat for my wife - that was an excuse)

Parents came home before I was ready with food. I figured something was wrong... they weren’t happy... instead they were strange... I asked what happened... they wouldn’t tell me... father in law took a shot of vodka... 150 grams... and said - you know, your son is not healthy... I smiled - what do you mean not healthy? (I thought he was joking... maybe it was something that could be treated for money)... he said - not healthy... I smiled - that’s ok! We’ll treat it!

In reply I heard - it is not treatable. It is Down syndrome. Doctor suggested to sign a refusal.

Tears ran down my face, I didn’t believe it... crying I called my friend and asked him to come pick me up... he asked what happened? I (still crying) - take me away from here, I don’t want to know them and be with them... 10 minutes later he came over... I didn’t have money, I asked him to buy a bottle of vodka for me... I cried through the whole night at his house with him and his girlfriend... and drank the whole bottle

Oh yes... when my wife was 4 months pregnant our parents began to live together again. We moved from the rented apartment to my and my mom’s apartment

In the morning I gathered my thoughts together and decided that I needed to be strong... I called my wife. She was crying. I was calming her down and was telling her that everything would be fine... I asked her if they could substitute our child (I heard that it happened often in our country). She said that they didn’t even take him away from her and that he was with her all the time. It seemed to be over...

But that was just the beginning. Many tests, much money (good that parents helped at that time). Test at the genetic center to check if he would understand at least something... 100 percent that he wasn’t going to develop... they said this - your child is a vegetable

Ok... I resigned

And then fatal message - heart disease... doctor - your son will live 2, maximum 3 years

Again a bottle of vodka, again tears. For myself I figured that I wouldn’t be able to watch my wife suffering for those 2-3 years. Besides that will not be able to apprehend his death and at the same time be strong for my wife. I simply wouldn’t be able to watch her suffering

I decided to sign the refusal... I put all my courage together, I had to be stronger... I called my wife and said - we will have another child. We will give him smile, happiness... she cried... and said - I understand, I know, my brain says the same. Then she said... would you be able to sign the refusal? At the very moment I said - I wouldn’t. If you want take him home and hung up. But she did not bring him home. 

6 months later she told me how a lawyer came to her room... how he told her that she was a bad mother, that she shouldn’t sign the refusal. She sat and cried, nurse told the lawyer to leave, talked to him, told him that the girl was nice but the situation was hard... when he came back the lawyer said - write it!!!!  My wife wrote the refusal and nobody ever said a word to her

 I don’t understand a lot. Why did they tell us he was a vegetable? Why we were told that he would die in 2-3 years? The orphanage named him Volodymyr.  It is clear he was given this name Volodymyr - it means "the winner" for a good reason... it means he went through everything... survived everything doctors told us. He won. 

But, now I'm happy! Later after all of this when my wife told me that she is pregnant with the second child, I was not even happy, I did not try ... but when you wrote to me, I was happy and began to pay more attention to my daughter and my wife. 

I understand this! Since finding Edgars parents and Dunhams mother I have  been more attentive to them! More patient. Kind. Edgars father, Annaleigh's mother, Dunham's mother...... they are good people in a broken world. They have given me the opportunity to experience their children as my own. The weight of this responsibility makes it difficult to breath at times. but... It also gives me strength to be a better mother, wife, sister, friend. I have been entrusted to care for these children and I refuse to fail them, or their parents. 

*It is important to understand that in the U.S. parents are told these same lies while they are pregnant. The children will be burdens, they will have no brains or understanding. Abort them while they are still nothings. You will cause them unnecessary suffering and pain. All lies! That is the reason the abortion rate for children with Down Syndrome is over 90%. We murder these children in the womb. In Ukraine, the children are institutionalized. We cannot judge them as we stand with bloody hands. Complicit in the murder of our most innocent. We cannot gasp in horror at the thought of abandoning children to a life alone in an institution and stand idly by while thousands of our own citizens are murdered in the name of "Choice". Prenatal testing should be used only to protect children. To determine if there is anything needed upon birth to sustain life. NOT to selectively determine who is valuable enough to be born. Who are we to determine the value of ones life. This,... is only for God to determine.